I woke up this morning to an Instagram tag from my best friend, twinsie, and other half Andrea (@andyswatss in the Instagram world). I assume she posted this because we had a lengthy discussion over the phone (since she is spending the summer on the West coast of Canada… typical) on this topic. This is the post:
If you have been following my blog then you already know I spent a year abroad working as a nanny in Melbourne, Australia. I can’t even believe it has almost been a year since I have landed on Canadian soil but it has. If you have been following my blog then you may also be aware that I have struggled with adjusting back to my old ‘life’. I thought that it would just take a few months for me to bounce back but guess what? I STILL HAVE NOT BOUNCED BACK. It has been over ten months and I just don’t feel myself still. In a text to Andrea last night I tried explaining how this is the most depressed and lost I have ever felt in my whole entire life. I don’t know how to snap out of it.
I really believe this quote she posted to be true… All of my friends who DO travel are off traveling and I am left here searching through my contacts list in my phone for people to hangout with only to find there is no one. I shouldn’t say no one but my schedule pretty much conflicts with the select few I want to hangout with and when your only free time is in the morning you’re definitely shit out of luck. I never thought I would be the type of girl to say this but I really don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met my now boyfriend Nick, back in December. I am really lucky to have been able to meet a cool guy who wants to travel and has the same mindset as me when it comes to life.
“then go home again and feel more lost in your hometown than you did in the most foreign place you visited.” Lets just take a second to think about that line… wow, I completely relate. The problem is that I know I need to get out and I know I need to move somewhere amazing that actually feels like home (probably Vancouver or Victoria) but for now I must backpack Southeast Asia, which means every dime I make goes into my travel fund. For now I have to suck it up and live at home and save my money working at a job I dislike so I can get the hell out of this town. I can’t even explain how scary it is to be done school and to want to see the world but being broke and not knowing where you’re going to go next or what you’re going to do for a career or if you’re ever going to settle down like everyone else around you. I want to stop feeling lost but I know the only way to do that is by actually getting lost in a foreign country.
I know Andrea and I have spent a majority of the last two years apart due to our own travel plans but I can’t tell you how great it is to know someone completely understands how you feel about life. We are both in the same boat, we are both lost. I am just thankful that we have each other, even if it means different time zones and a lot of FaceTime. If you’re reading this twinsie, thanks for posting this and inspiring me to write a blog post when I am feeling so blah lately.